Yoiks and Away....

It's about an hour to go until I leave for the airport and I'm finally getting around to posting on my blog....long long overdue. Part of the reason I havent posted is, as I said earlier, I didnt have "official" permission to post. Another reason was because I wasn't sure what to say...I have been told what I can..well, more like what I can't...say and I will not be able to be candid on this blog..I can share to a point but not beyond and it has been a strange concept to me that I will be able to share with you but, well, not really. Also, I've just been completely overwhelmed. Really. But really, the main reason I haven't posted is becuase I just didn't think this was ever going to happen. If you look back at the history of this blog it was started in July or so...and I was set to go in July...and then August, November, December...eventually there came a point in the process where I just didn't believe it was going to happen and I got tired of talking about it...but given that I have my ticket and my flight leaves in about 4 hours I think it's for real this time...

I have spent the past 5 or 6 weeks preparing to go...mostly in training at the Foreign Service Institute but also meeting with people from various agencies with different areas of interest...narcotics, counter-terrorism,etc. This preparation has been unlike anything I have ever experienced in my life and, quite honestly, has made me question what the hell I have gotten myself into. I have heard the saying that you should push your boundaries and put yourself in unfamiliar situations at least twice a year to facilitate personal growth...well, that was taken care of the first day of my training and I haven't even left the country yet. I've had trainings on weapons of mass destruction, what to do in case of a chemical weapons attack and how to use my emergency protection suit, i've had emergency field medicine and learned how to treat eviseration and sucking chest wounds, i've handled automatic weapons, spent 3 days at a racetrack in West Virginia learning how to ram cars out of my way and control cars in a high speed spin (ok, that part was kinda cool :), drove up-armored SUVs and Humvees (not the pretty street kind, the military kind), went to a bomb range and exploded ordinances and learned the meanings of all the different sirens I may hear...there were many days I came home from training totally drained from being exposed to all this stuff for 8 hours straight...

Many of you have asked a very logical question..what will I be doing in Iraq? Well, I really don't know. Here is what I can tell you...I will be working out of a Forward Operating Base (FOB) in Karbala, Iraq on a team called a Provincial Reconstruction Team (PRT)...this team is made of of subject experts and I am the legal expert (really?? me?? I think the only thing i might be an "expert" at is how to end relationships and chocolate cake!)There will be experts on politics, governance, agriculture, medicine, and the like, and we will all work in out subject area to promote objectives defined by the Iraqi people I will be working with. What my job will not be is to go into Iraq and impose an American system of law or my own personal ideas of what should happen...my job is to determine what advancements the Iraqi people want in Karbala and help facilitate that...perhaps like a mediator, as my boss calls it a "excuse predictor and eradicator", a counselor, a cheerleader, a grass-roots lawyer....my job is to leave the Iraqi people feeling empowered and accomplished in the area of law - thus, my job is called "Rule of Law Advisor".

Here is my biggest issue at the moment...I am totally Debbie Downer (waa waa waa)...I am really negative about this experience and I need to change that before, say, 10pm, because having this attitude is only going to make things worse. Here's the deal...originally, when I interviewed for this job I was told I would be going to Baghdad. I was excited because obviously Baghdad is a big city with a huge foreign presence and lots of amenities. I have since heard from almost everyone who has been to Iraq that I am very lucky I am not going to Baghdad because it is one big beaurocracy and the jobs entail a lot of paper pushing and coffee breaks. Shortly after I was offered the job I was told I would be posted at a military base in Tikrit, Iraq. This base has is 16 miles by 16 miles, has over 12,000 personnel on it, has good facilities, a running club, gyms, internet, water and kitchens in the housing units...sounded pretty good to me. I was very excited and made lots of contacts in Tikrit...met lots of people throughout my trainings who were going there, talked frequently with the Rule of Law coordinator who is currently there, learned the history and legal issues specific to the province...I was so excited! Well, about 10 days ago my boss calls me and says there has been a change and he needs me to go to Karbala, Iraq instead. I didn't know much about Karbala but being the good employee I immediately told him I would do whatever he needed me to do and figured "how bad can it be?"...oh, i couldnt even imagine. The perimeter of the entire base in .49 miles .. POINT four nine. There are approximately 120 people on the entire base, mostly Ugandan security guards. I live in a windowless trailer with no water and no kitchen and, here's the kicker...Im the only woman on the entire base. Honest to goodness...I'm not all that afraid of the violence in Iraq but I'm really scared I might lose my mind and go stir crazy. I mean, I am not allowed off base without a convoy and security detail and that happens maybe three times a week for an hour or so at a time...I've been told you can't stay off base very long because if you do the bad elements get word of where you are and can start to plan an attack so trips off base are very limited. So, basically, my entire world consists of a .49 mile radius and the 120 people contained within. Seriously...i think i might lose it folks. Ok, let's look at the positives here..the work sounds really interesting..the guy who is the Rule of Law Advisor in Karbala now is working on establishing a women's section of the Karbala Bar Association and possibly some kind of women's legal clinic. Another positive..i get generous leave, so I can spend three weeks at home (well, in the states) every three months...so hopefully that is enough to keep me sane. I've never left for a trip before with such a negative attitude and i really need an adjustment...got any advice?