I'm only happy when it rains...

And given that I live in the desert that isn't a good sign for me. Literally, now I live in the middle of the desert.

A few days ago I left my base in Karbala and took a new position as Resident Legal Advisor in Najaf, Iraq...about 60 miles south of Karbala. This base is literally in the middle of the desert - you have to do some off-road driving across sand hills to get to the front gate. 60 miles doesn't seem so far but I feel like I am on another planet here...things seem so different. Given that this is a public blog and I don't want to make my new home feel like an unloved step-child I'll keep my comments brief...I miss Grill Sergeant Fridays with lobster and chicken ... to the people of fob Husayniyah I say ...go give your cooks a big hug, tip them well, keep them happy...you don't know how good you have it. The food here is equivalent to what you would have at girl scout camp...chili out of a can, fish sticks and mystery meat. The military and civilians on this base do not seem to work together as a team. There are no treadmills and no running track. There are no other civilian women here but I have seen one or two female soldiers...we have an equal number of bathrooms for the men (about 200) and women (about 2) so them men clearly don't have enough showers and randomly commandeer the womens bathroom without notice so you dont ever wait until you really have to go becuz you could find the lady's bathroom closed for an hour. Oh joy.



The story of why I moved bases is long and convoluted but basically and I am careful again about what I reveal on a public space but let me say that it wasn't my choice. Anyone heard of EEO complaint? Most people assume that it was Iraqis who were the problem (probably based on thier notions of how Middle Eastern men view and treat women) and when I tell them it was U.S. soldiers they either seem not surprised at all or totally shocked. Everyone was in agreeance...my bosses in DC, in Baghdad, at the base... that I did nothing wrong, that I was harassed/stalked...that I did outstanding work and that the team did not want me to go...Everyone was very supportive and understanding but, nonetheless, here I sit at my new base with my old position unfilled and my projects taken away from me. Why is it that I feel something is amiss here?

Wait a minute....(insert cartoonlike sound of needle scratching on record)....

Ok, I just made my blog private again so only subscribers can read it so let me be frank here...I'm pissed!! Why is it when I report sexual harassment everyone says "We are in total support of you" but in the end I am the one being punished?? The soldiers who did this to me have suffered no consequences. (Then again, all the harassment was anonymous - I know who is responsible though). I, on the other hand, have been taken away from everything that mattered to me in Iraq...my projects, my Iraqi colleagues, my team members...and have been put at a new base for my remaining four months (make that three once you take out the month I'll have for leave in December) - stuck here at this god awful base with absolutely no direction as to what I'm supposed to be doing. By the time I figure out what the hell I'm supposed to be doing I'll be packing up to go home. Not saying there aren't worthwhile projects here - there is a widow's service that helps widows apply for their govt. benefits, and a defense project that gets representation to accused (both of which pose certain difficulties - like, even if you get the women to apply for their benefits the govt. has no money to pay them - but that is for another time). But I had no overlap with my predecessor and thus don't have a clue where to start. Not saying I couldn't figure it out, but that takes time and that is something I don't have.

To tell the truth, though, my biggest problem right now is my motivation - I am so upset that everything I worked for for eight months has been taken away from me and all my projects are floundering. I was forced to make this switch - I fought it every step of the way. The worst part is the unit of soldiers on my base are leaving in about 5 days and, thus, the people who were harassing me will be gone. I put my heart into my work and had it taken away without even a chance to say goodbye to the people I worked with...I just disappeared without a trace. My bosses won't let me go back to that base - they say they are looking out for my safety but my safety was never in danger (aside from the obvious IEDs and war-related danger)...i was anonymously harassed not molested or threatened! This move is not good for the relationships at my old base...we will be perceived as unreliable...it is not good for my projects to go unattended...it isnt good for this base to have me here when i'm only here for a few months and have no heart to do my job...and it certainly isnt good for me.

I know what I need to do...force myself to do my job, make connections, stop feeling sorry for myself and get to work...but so far i've barely managed to leave my bed. Itunes is a wonderful distraction and can eat up endless hours allowing me to avoid what I really should be doing. The one positive thing about this base is that I have heard from many many people that the team members are fabulous...i haven't picked up on this myself yet but, to be fair, I haven't given them a chance...since I haven't left my room much. I keep debating with myself if I should really give it a chance here or just come home ... not becuz I'm feeling sorry for myself but becuz this situation isn't good for anyone involved.