Do I have a big "V" on my forehead in lipstick?

Because I sure feel like it. I can't believe it...i'm actually nervous typing this..i feel like y'all are going to be able to immediately recognize that im a virgin blogger...sure, i've written stuff about travel before (and to some extent, this will be about travel) but nothing that i've actually put thought into. Nothing that i actually thought people would read. Nothing where I felt like i might actually have something to say...and that is being presumptuous that i actually will have something to say here.

So, why am I doing this? I think i might have something to say. I think i might be entering a very interesting point in my life. I think i might need to vent, to feel in touch, to reassure you that i'm ok, to normalize life, and (if im lucky) help inject a little understanding into this world.

If you don't know, there is no easy way to say it so i'll just put it out there...i'm going to Iraq. Baghdad. Green Zone. 1 year. I don't know when and, as of today (but not as of yesterday) actually don't know 100% that i'll be going. Here's the deal...I applied for and was chosen to do a"detail" in Iraq. A detail means that my current job with Dept of Justice will let me go for the year and do the job in Iraq and then when i come back my job will be waiting for me. It has been a very frustrating experience...it is all very hush hush at work and there has been a lot of political maneuvering and behind the scene deals that im not in on and i have a hard time working that way.

The process for applying for this job and getting "permission" from my current job to leave has been stressful and aggravating...i have been told i can't go (but a man i work with could go because he asked first) and then gave up on the job only to find out the people in iraq wanted me, not the dude (girl power!!) then to find out i would be leaving in april to, just today, finding out they want me to leave in october, and then finding out there may be a snafu again with my organization releasing me...ahhh!!

So what will i be doing in Iraq? Good question. The position i was hired for is called "Rule of Law Advisor". What does that mean? Hell if I know. I believe it will be something similar to training judges and attorneys in democratic process, working with them to establish the system, and helping to draft laws and form/stabilize the country's legal system in preparation for U.S. withdrawal. When I met with the hiring guy today he said basically i could do whatever I wanted. I can work on prosecuting war criminals, I can work with ambassadors establishing ties, I can work on creating laws...I mentioned possibly working on women's rights issues and he said they were thinking of setting up legal clinics to inform women of things like custody, spousal abuse and rape, and divorce. I get the feeling the job will be up to me...the director said he is very hands off and leaves it up to the people on the ground to determine needs and fill them.

So i have been filling my brain with information about Iraq as fast as I can from many sources trying to prepare myself. I just finished an AMAZING book called "Between Two Worlds" by Zainab Salbi...it is about how her family grew up in the shadow of Saddam as his "friends" and her "escape" to the U.S. It gave me some background into what a monster Saddam really was. Diabolocal. Now I'm reading a book called "Fiasco" that talks about the US invasion/attack of Iraq...learning a lot about the U.S.'s policies of containment that eventually shifted to attack and why. I just ordered Rosetta Stone Arabic lessons. I downloaded podcasts from the Middle East Institute on various Iraqi topics. I'm good at school so i attack this like a school project!

Obvious question and answer...yes, Im scared. I don't think i am going to be injured or killed but am going to make sure all my affairs are in order before i leave. One of my biggest concerns upon first thinking about the job was thinking about living in such a small space...the green zone is only 4 square miles and that is an awfully small world...when i lived in japan everyone knew my every move (and i lived in a town of 500,000)...honest to god one day i went to the doctor for a urinary tract infection and the next day a student asked me "juri-sensei...is your pee pee ok?" I don't like being in a fishbowl. I'm wondering what it will be like as a woman in (im assuming) a man's world. A white person in an arab world. Then again, when I left for South Africa my biggest concern was if I would see lions prowling in town..and if they would have diet coke...upon arrival i realized it was ridiculous to think Johannesburg, a town of 4 million, has game cats roaming wild....and, yes, the coca cola company has invaded and established itself on the dark continent.Clearly i worried about the wrong things in prepping for that trip.

I've learned terms that i never thought i would have a need for...rpg, body armor, Sunni triangle, and many more. Today in talking with my new boss he was telling me that the green zone is relatively safe...the government has just built new apartments so workers are moving out of there trailers ("Baghdad trailer trash" no more :) which were unsafe in case of incoming fire...but he was saying the scary part, somewhat overwhelming, is flying in (especially for the first time). Flight from DC to Dubair or something, then a helicopter to Baghdad...and you have to wear body armor and a helmet and when you get off the helicopter you have to run so you can't have luggage (therefore you ship your luggage ahead of time)...what did i sign up for?? I don't even like flying in prop planes, much less helicopters that could possibly come under fire! (Just ask sara v or tracy about the melt downs i have had on prop planes in the philippines or small boats in thailand!!)

When it comes down to it, i am very excited about this job. It is a chance to make a difference. To further my career. To travel. To learn and grow. To push my boundaries. And to tell one hell of a story along the way, so stay tuned.....